Are your Reactions Easing your Child’s Anxieties – or adding to them?

Learn to Nurture your child's Mental Health and Self-Esteem

When your child experiences something they are not sure of, they will look to you to see how you respond, learning from your reaction and tailoring their own accordingly.  Let’s take… seeing a big hairy spider for example!

If you are relaxed, they are more likely to be.  But if you react with increased emotions or fear, their anxiety around spiders will probably grow, preparing their defence mechanisms ready for the next time they encounter our eight-legged friends.  Especially if anxiety is becoming a default reaction for them.

So, should you look to hide your reactions?

Rather than seeking to hide your anxieties or look to avoid situations where they might be encountered, you can use these experiences to support your child.  Denying the existence of your fears or belittling their power is never going to end well and can create more problems for your child who can’t understand why they do feel afraid at times. 

Instead, help your child to be brave as you do something together, even though you may be afraid of it.  If you feel nervous around spiders, use this as an opportunity to face your fears together.  Talk about what it is you don’t like, and how sometimes our fears may be irrational.  You know the spider can’t hurt you, but you feel frightened anyway.

Help your child see there are things they feel braver about than you do, helping their confidence to grow

While your child may feel anxious about somethings, they may be brimming with confidence over others.  Help them to recognise these areas where they show great bravery.  Maybe tackling the big climbing frame or freewheeling on their scooter if they are physically confident.  The way they approach a new friend in the park if they are socially confident.  Or how they will tackle a new puzzle or element of a favoured game. 

Help them to see that you might struggle with any of these things, but you would love them to show you how

Children can often feel like everyone around them is bigger, quicker, braver or more able than they are.  For an anxious child this can become a part of how they see themselves.  It may also lead to avoidance of situations where they may have to face these anxieties.  Which, while offering some immediate and temporary relief, can see anxiety in these areas grow, and some great opportunities missed.

Help redress the balance as you show your child that, while everyone has anxieties, you trust them to manage theirs and that you are ready to catch them if they stumble.  Let them set the pace as together you experience some of your fears with compassion and gentle encouragement.  And help avoid their anxieties getting in the way of some great times together.

Dr Kathryn Peckham is an Early Childhood Consultant, author and researcher and the founder of Nurturing Childhoods and the Nurturing Childhoods Academy.  Providing all the knowledge, understanding and support you need to nurture the children in your life.  academy.nurturingchildhoods.co.uk   www.nurturingchildhoods.co.uk